Open Letter to a Friend
Sometimes I think you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.
No…that’s all the time.
And I see you, and we’re friends, and it’s lovely and all.
But then we part ways. And I return to my doubts.
Always sure.
Never shaken or confused.
I’m the one being bothersome. The one who sticks around despite hints and subtle suggestions to the contrary.
Cycling on and on. We see eachother. We’re friends. I doubt. We see eachother. We’re friends. I doubt. On and on and on and on.
Better to avoid invitation and doubt forever rather than risk embarrassment of forcible friendship.
But sometimes it’s hard to resist.
Nevertheless. I always return to thinking
You don’t miss me as much as I miss you.
Book Of Life
by David Kracov
…so in love with this…
I love book art. The sculpture classes at my high school did a book art project every year. They’re always striking. Always beautiful. Books held so much magic for me as a child. Not that they don’t hold magic anymore (they do) but it’s not the same. Regardless of how wildly fanciful, books were always true. I believed them completely. Which is part of what I love so much about this particular sculpture. Beautiful winged creatures being released from the pages, as if suddenly free of the spell that binds them there. This is what books always feel like to me. When closed, they’re just simple rectangular objects. But when opened, colors and light and beauty come soaring out.
(Source: arpeggia)
I have loads of good stories! College has been a lark and a half. From countless costume parties to super interesting classes, to incredible new friends. I’ve learned a lot about people, the world, and myself. Any kind of specific stories you’re interested in, anonymous?
2012 Resolutions
It’s come to my attention that I rarely post on Tumblr. Mostly it’s because I’ve been at school and incredibly busy. Now I’m home and reaching the long and boring part of break, I’ll try to get on that a little bit. Maybe. No promises.
Anyways, it’s that time again. New Years. I don’t like New Years as a holiday, per se, but I do see it as a useful time for introspection. (All times are useful times for introspection.) That being said, I’m going to look back on last year’s resolutions to see how I successful I’ve been, and make some resolutions for next year. I’ve been doing this since I was 10 or so, and it offers a nice portrait of how I’ve changed each year. So here goes 2011.
1. get yourself to college. I will decide where to go, find a way to pay, pack up my stuff and LEAVE.
Although I didn’t go where I wanted or how I predicted I’d get there, I’m there nonetheless. And doing quite well. College has been magnificent and every minute of break I can’t wait to get back. Resolution 1: Check!
2. Open up to people more. I have a lot of friends, I talk to all of them, but I’m so afraid to *really* talk to them.
I’ve really opened up to people more since going to school than I had before. I’m a lot more myself at school than I ever was at home. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m glad it’s happening. Resolution 2: Semi-Check
3. Lose some of your inhibitions. I guess this is a little similar to number 6 from last year, but I constantly stop myself from doing crazy things, and return to sitting quietly at home. I don’t mean to go out and be a party girl, that’s just not who I am at all. But to be a little less reserved wouldn’t be all bad.
I’ve definitely done this. Thank you, Summer 2011 and all my college friends for showing me that I don’t have to be a sheltered 12 year old. I’ve done so many things I could never even imagine doing a year or a year and a half ago. And it’s been wonderfully freeing. Resolution 4: Check.
4. Waste less of your time. I spend a lot of time on facebook. But it occurred to me recently that Facebook is in no way helping me to become a better person, to have better relationships, or to succeed in life.
The beginning of school I barely ever went on facebook. I was so busy with everything happening at school that I didn’t even have time for it! And that was wonderful. So I wasted less of my time for a month. I’m going to try to get back to that. Resolution 4: Semi-Check
And now resolutions for 2012.
1. Work harder. For classes, for auditions, for my music. For everything. I spend a lot of time not doing the best I can and I regret that. I always have.
2. Be more honest with my friends. Tell them how I feel and what I want. I’ve struggled with that a lot lately and it leads to conflict when people don’t know how the other feels.
3. But be less honest with strangers. I guess Tumblr is kind of the antithesis of this resolution, but it is what it is. I find myself telling strangers everything about me and not telling my friends anything. It’s a weird way of controlling secrets. And I sometimes feel uncomfortable about it.
4. Set goals. And reach them. Too often I feel like I’m floundering. Setting goals may make me more organized and driven. Getting into college was always my goal, but now I’ve done that and don’t know what comes next, I’m not as driven as I once was.
So here’s to 2012! A year which is (not) our last year on earth! I hope everyone has a great Arbitrary Celebration of a Specific Date on One Kind of Calender! Or… Happy New Year if you’re into that.
Sometimes, I’m so lost within my world of woes that I forget how lovely it is to be alive.
I suppose remembering makes it all the better.
The Family Jekyll & Hyde
I forget how much I hate being at home. Trapped inside this yellow and green prison, I’m suddenly transported back to thirteen-year-old me living in her nuclear 1950s world.
I’m that family that pretends everything’s perfect. That goes out to dinner together and smiles at all the surrounding tables - we’re what you want your family to look like. Smart, polite, well-bred children. Scholarly, social parents. A teacher mother - involved in her social circles, her community, her synagogue, her childrens’ lives. A desk job father who makes good money, is scholarly, intelligent, doesn’t yell too frequently. We sit across the table from each other, cracking jokes and laughing. Nothing’s a serious problem. We try each others’ meals and talk about the week to come. Nothing can go wrong.
But dinners at home paint a very different picture. Dinners must be attended by all four members of the family. If a family member wishes to miss a dinner, permission must be granted a week in advance by The Warden. Warm, home-made food is placed on the table. Each member serves themselves, overlooked approvingly by that night’s chef. A general (and unfailingly superficial) topic of conversation is broached: which teacher at school said something ridiculous during lunch, which friends are doing well in school or perhaps weekend plans. Until a slight error is made. Perhaps it’s the mention of wealthier friends. Or someone motioning for seconds. But The Warden inevitably snaps. We’re not making as much as she hoped. How could we even think about going for seconds, we’re not getting any slimmer (you know). Dinner turns into a quiet affair, three family members sitting around the table, heads lowered, while The Warden shrieks on.
There are bigger problems in the world than the not-so-perfect family. And there are many people who wish their family was even close to Dinner 2. But after 3 months of living on my own, free of the chains that fasten me perpetually inside this building, it’s hard to go back. It will be increasingly difficult to take the yelling, the screaming, the disparaging remarks.
Here’s to a license, money to spend on planes and trains, and only 19 days until I return to school.
A Letter from a Shelter Manager - anonymous in North Carolina
I think our society needs a huge “Wake-up” call. As a shelter manager, I am going to share a little insight with you all…a view from the inside if you will.
First off, all of you breeders/sellers should be made to work in the “back” of an animal shelter for just one day. Maybe if you saw the life drain from a few sad, lost, confused eyes, you would change your mind about breeding and selling to people you don’t even know.
That puppy you just sold will most likely end up in my shelter when it’s not a cute little puppy anymore. So how would you feel if you knew that there’s about a 90% chance that dog will never walk out of the shelter it is going to be dumped at? Purebred or not! About 50% of all of the dogs that are “owner surrenders” or “strays”, that come into my shelter are purebred dogs.
The most common excuses I hear are; “We are moving and we can’t take our dog (or cat).” Really? Where are you moving too that doesn’t allow pets? Or they say “The dog got bigger than we thought it would”. How big did you think a German Shepherd would get? “We don’t have time for her”. Really? I work a 10-12 hour day and still have time for my 6 dogs! “She’s tearing up our yard”. How about making her a part of your family? They always tell me “We just don’t want to have to stress about finding a place for her we know she’ll get adopted, she’s a good dog”.
Odds are your pet won’t get adopted & how stressful do you think being in a shelter is? Well, let me tell you, your pet has 72 hours to find a new family from the moment you drop it off. Sometimes a little longer if the shelter isn’t full and your dog manages to stay completely healthy. If it sniffles, it dies. Your pet will be confined to a small run/kennel in a room with about 25 other barking or crying animals. It will have to relieve itself where it eats and sleeps. It will be depressed and it will cry constantly for the family that abandoned it. If your pet is lucky, I will have enough volunteers in that day to take him/her for a walk. If I don’t, your pet won’t get any attention besides having a bowl of food slid under the kennel door and the waste sprayed out of its pen with a high-powered hose. If your dog is big, black or any of the “Bully” breeds (pit bull, rottie, mastiff, etc) it was pretty much dead when you walked it through the front door.
Those dogs just don’t get adopted. It doesn’t matter how ‘sweet’ or ‘well behaved’ they are.
If your dog doesn’t get adopted within its 72 hours and the shelter is full, it will be destroyed. If the shelter isn’t full and your dog is good enough, and of a desirable enough breed it may get a stay of execution, but not for long . Most dogs get very kennel protective after about a week and are destroyed for showing aggression. Even the sweetest dogs will turn in this environment. If your pet makes it over all of those hurdles chances are it will get kennel cough or an upper respiratory infection and will be destroyed because shelters just don’t have the funds to pay for even a $100 treatment.
Here’s a little euthanasia 101 for those of you that have never witnessed a perfectly healthy, scared animal being “put-down”.
First, your pet will be taken from its kennel on a leash. They always look like they think they are going for a walk happy, wagging their tails. Until they get to “The Room”, every one of them freaks out and puts on the brakes when we get to the door. It must smell like death or they can feel the sad souls that are left in there, it’s strange, but it happens with every one of them. Your dog or cat will be restrained, held down by 1 or 2 vet techs depending on the size and how freaked out they are. Then a euthanasia tech or a vet will start the process. They will find a vein in the front leg and inject a lethal dose of the “pink stuff”. Hopefully your pet doesn’t panic from being restrained and jerk. I’ve seen the needles tear out of a leg and been covered with the resulting blood and been deafened by the yelps and screams. They all don’t just “go to sleep”, sometimes they spasm for a while, gasp for air and defecate on themselves.
When it all ends, your pets corpse will be stacked like firewood in a large freezer in the back with all of the other animals that were killed waiting to be picked up like garbage. What happens next? Cremated? Taken to the dump? Rendered into pet food? You’ll never know and it probably won’t even cross your mind. It was just an animal and you can always buy another one, right?
I hope that those of you that have read this are bawling your eyes out and can’t get the pictures out of your head I deal with everyday on the way home from work.
I hate my job, I hate that it exists & I hate that it will always be there unless you people make some changes and realize that the lives you are affecting go much farther than the pets you dump at a shelter.
Between 9 and 11 MILLION animals die every year in shelters and only you can stop it. I do my best to save every life I can but rescues are always full, and there are more animals coming in everyday than there are homes.
My point to all of this DON’T BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER PETS DIE!
Hate me if you want to. The truth hurts and reality is what it is. I just hope I maybe changed one persons mind about breeding their dog, taking their loving pet to a shelter, or buying a dog. I hope that someone will walk into my shelter and say “I saw this and it made me want to adopt”. THAT WOULD MAKE IT WORTH IT.
All summer, I babysat this really sweet girl. She was 11, and had already been through a lot already in her life. 11’s a little old for a babysitter, but she didn’t have many friends, so I was her hired best-friend for the summer. I’ve never watch more animal planet in my life. This girl loved nothing more than she loved pets. The week after I left, she was getting a new kitten: a purebred. I’ve adopted every pet I’ve ever had because I know the situations are atrocious. I couldn’t moralize this girl, but it killed me to see her get a purebred cat. There are thousands of sweet little kittens who will only last a few days in the shelter, and you could save one of them! She was thrilled about her kitten, ordered new toys and treats for it every day, and talked about nothing else. But she’s never had a pet before. Neither has her mom. It just seems like this kitten could soon end up another short-lived shelter kitten.
I hope it all works out for the best.
On a side note, I found this picture horribly disturbing, and in some ways I’m sorry any of you looked at it. In other ways, a picture’s worth a thousand words, and I hope this motivates just one person somewhere.
(Source: themagnificentsoil)
Kappa Kappa Psi
Those of you who know me know I’m not much a Greek life type of person. But I was…strongly encouraged….to attend rush events for Kappa Kappa Psi, which is the honorary music fraternity on campus. It’s a service organization, it’s co-ed, I already know a lot of people involved, and everyone’s just really nice and they like to hang around, geek out, and make music together.
So today, I’m chilling out, checking my email, and I get an email saying we’ve made our decisions, if you get a second email, you have a bid. I thought I’d only gotten one email from them. But then I checked again, and I had gotten the second email! I officially have a bid!
I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to join, but I’m really excited. It seems like a really great group to be a part of.
I know I’m totally over booking myself. I’m a double arts major, I’m already in a dance team, a music ensemble, taking more classes than freshmen are normally allowed to take, trying to balance my social life, am still auditioning for 2 more dance teams, 3 more music ensembles, and about a hundred more shows. But everyone else I’ve met has booked themselves just as much. I just…didn’t expect to get in!
Maybe sometime I’ll figure out how to balance my schedule, and stop joining more organizations. Or maybe not.
Sexiled for the night.
I mean…it definitely makes sense. But the sexiling on a Thursday night when I have tests tomorrow and auditions this weekend? Not so cool.
Oh well. Maybe I’ll find somewhere else to sleep. It’s part of the college experience.
Performance
Today I had my first performance of my college career.
It wasn’t anything that big. It was maybe 5 minutes. I joined Step Team, so we danced at the pep rally. But ohhhh my goodness. It was so fun. I can’t wait for every other performance we have. I’d forgotten over the course of my 15 auditions how much I actually love performing. But now I remember. Now I’m going to turn it out for my 5 auditions this weekend.
So pumped for what the rest of this week, month, semester, life have in store.
